It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
