My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
