I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
