I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As shirtless as possible
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
