making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
