She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
