First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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