I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
