I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
