i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
