Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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