Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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