She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im part way to drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
