i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
