Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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