I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
