the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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