Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
