I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
