gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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