I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
