It's like God shit irony all over that family
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My balls are so social today.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
