why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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