There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
