I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
