My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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