you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
