Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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