I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
