so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
