the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
As shirtless as possible
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
