I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
