I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
