Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
