I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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