Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
