Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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