i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
