that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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