I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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