I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
one might say we're banned from that church
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
