Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
