Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She is in my trunk
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
