I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
