Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
