i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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