So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
