There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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