i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
