I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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