im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
