It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
