My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
