she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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